


Real

by Fudgyjammy14



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Coming Out, Delusions, Gender Issues, Imaginary Friends, M/M, Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital, Psychologists & Psychiatrists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-07 02:07:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19075315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fudgyjammy14/pseuds/Fudgyjammy14
Summary: “He’s real to me” Junhoe knows it wasn’t just a hallucination, his hands were so cold and he was so scared that the boy wasn’t real.But the hands were warm and Junhoe felt that against his lips.





	1. Wake up, princess!

“Wake up princess... Wakeup wakeup waaakke uuuuuuup!”

Junhoe pull himself out of a restful sleep staring right into Mr. Sunshine’s eyes. He grunts rolling away from it.

“Oh come on babe! It’s a freaking beautiful day outside, get uuuup!!!” The voice whines in his ear.

But Junhoe pull his blanket over his head to drown out the incessant noise.

A body straddle him on top of the blanket. It’s jumping up and down shaking the bed. “LA-LA-LALA-LA!” This goes on until he can’t possibly ignore it anymore and he throw the blanket off him

“FINE! - I’m up! I’m up.” Junhoe yells exasperated.

Mr. Sunshine smiles happily and quickly slips of his bed taking a seat in his habitual chair over at the desk.

He waits patiently while Junhoe retreat to the bathroom to wash and dress.

Junhoe sigh realizing it’s Monday and he have classes, which means he get to wear a uniform today. He doesn’t like the uniform but at least he doesn’t have to agonize about what to wear. Though Mr. Sunshine mostly helps him with that anyway.

Junhoe is normal, very normal student, simple haircut, average build but magnificent features. His face really stands out wherever he goes, and it’s bothering him.

Downstairs he finds his aunt in the kitchen.

“Morning Princess.” She smiles cutting a sandwich.

Don’t fret that’s not his name; she just likes to call Junhoe that.

“Morning aunty.”

Mr. Sunhsine skips into the kitchen behind Junhoe humming happily, he does that all the time. The melody often varies but lately he preferred one has a lively melody, Junhoe admit it is one of his personal favorite’s too but maybe a little energetic in the early hours of the morning.

Junhoe and his Aunty discuss their day over breakfast. She’ll be out on a date tonight so Junhoe will be home alone.

Alone with Mr. Sunshine. Though he’s always alone with Mr. Sunshine.

They take the bus to class.

Junhoe is extremely fortunate in having a very efficient bus connection from his house to campus.

Mr. Sunshine takes the seat in front of him which is always... always unoccupied and chats eagerly while Junhoe pretends to read a book and can’t help but smile at his stories.

Mr. Sunshine been in his life for about... seven years now, never repeats a story twice. It amazes Junhoe how Mr. Sunshine keeps finding new material to amuse him with. Where does he get it from?

At school classes are interesting, though how fascinating they may be it doesn’t prevent Junhoe from dozing off in his seat. Mr. Sunshine pokes him in the back every time he threatens to drop off. Mr. Sunshine keep Junhoe focused, he can tell you that.

Lunch at the free flow cafeteria. Mr. Sunshine is telling Junhoe all about lactose intolerance. How the humans are all actually lactose intolerant and the fact that they can drink cows milk at all these days is because of a gene mutation. Which just makes the human a little less lactose intolerant than before.

He stops talking when Yunhyeong joined, one of Junhoe’s bestfriend.

“Junhoe good to see you!” Yunhyeong starts chatting a mile a minute like he usually does. He’s really nice. Yunhyeong is a social butterfly, as they would say. He knows a large amount of people and always seems to be smiling and laughing.

Yunhyeong asks Junhoe if he can have a drink with him tonight. There’s a band playing at a local pub. Mr. Sunshine encourages him to go and Junhoe accept it.

Two more classes to go and Junhoe is done for the day, during a brief break between the two they stroll through the greens taking in some fresh air. Classrooms can get so stuffy don’t you think?

Mr. Sunshine is picking flowers; he knows the Latin name of every single one of them. Junhoe just rolled his eyes and he swear Mr. Sunshine is a talking dictionary.

“Junhoe!” A boy with soft and fluffy hair approach them

“Hey Jinhwan” Junhoe knows he’ll gives him seductive looks every chance he gets. Jinhwan’s nice enough and has a good personality, but you know... he may be some kind of a flirt.

Junhoe tried to explain it to him but he doesn’t seem to want hear it. Luckily Junhoe is not his only interest he mostly has his eye on a few at a time. Junhoe just seem to be a recurring fascination.

“In between classes?” he asks.

Junhoe nod and they chat a bit while walking back. Mr. Sunshine tags along humming again; he’s the walking soundtrack to Junhoe’s life... in stereo.

Last class of the day was an exhausting one. They had a debate on last weeks subject and Junhoe really got into it. Mr. Sunshine gave him some good pointers to work with and Junhoe have to say he enjoyed it. After class the group talks a while, jokes and laughs for a bit before dispersing.

Junhoe is walking to his bus stop, happy.

Today was a good day.

“Looking forward for tonight?” Mr. Sunshine asks walking along beside him.

“Yes I am actually.” he replied

“Who are you talking to?” A voice behind him asks.

Junhoe freeze.

He turns and Chanwoo is behind him; Junhoe noticed he looked at him oddly sometimes. Like he’s searching for something.

“Just talking to myself.” Junhoe smile.

“It didn’t sound like it.” he quips more curious than anything else.

Junhoe just shrug and they proceed to the bus stop together.

I bet you’ve noticed by now that no one sees Mr. Sunshine.

No one but Junhoe.


	2. Where is he?

The day after Junhoe’s 17th birthday... that’s the day he first appeared.

Waking up with a stranger sitting in his room had freaked the living shit out of Junhoe. He screamed the whole house down. For a very long time after that he thought he was crazy.

Hallucinating...

Delusional...

Junhoe was always ever the only one who saw him, heard him, felt his touch... heck he even smelled him!

He was afraid to be labeled as crazy, but he had to seek help... one doctor though it might be a coping mechanism. Since his parents died the year before. Or an imaginary friend to help him come to terms with being gay. Another doctor thought he might be schizophrenic. But that diagnoses didn’t seem to fit, since Junhoe never displayed any of the other symptoms.

You see it wasn’t bad having Mr. Sunshine around. It wasn’t bad at all. Having no one else see him was about the only bad thing about him.

Junhoe wasn’t depressed, he wasn’t moody and he slept very well at night.

He never closed himself off from people and never had trouble forming friendships. He’s a happy person really; he just seems to have an imaginary friend. So he kind of gave up.

Mr. Sunshine was always there for Junhoe. He talked him through hard times, he listens when he rants, he encourages Junhoe to do new things, see new places and meet new people.

Go on dates... with boys...

What Junhoe never understood though were his stories. These are things he’d never read about before, never had classes about or even actually new of their existence. But he taught Junhoe a hell of a lot. So if he’s a figment of his imagination how can that be?

He also ages along with Junhoe; he looked 18 when he first appeared now he looks 23 just like Junhoe. They had pimple scares together.

A few years ago Junhoe got this idea that Mr. Sunshine might be a coma patient. You know, the one you read about these things in fiction literature and the idea kind of got stuck.

The thing about Mr. Sunshine is he doesn’t know his own name; he doesn’t know anything about himself. He possesses so much knowledge yet has a hole where his past should be. Then again if he’s imagined he wouldn’t have a past now would he? Junhoe never gave Mr. Sunshine a real name... like Bobby or something. Maybe that would make him a little too real and he’d really be crazy.

Junhoe had a sketch artist to draw Mr. Sunshine. He nailed him pretty good. Mr. Sunshine is good looking like Junhoe.

Which is probably the reason why Junhoe never particularly minded having him around so much. At least not after a while... after he got used to him. Brown eyed, slim build, his hair is purple-lish with a blue highlight. Junhoe never can quite pinpoint it. This guy isn’t by any means a muscle stud but neither is he brittle boned. He dressed quite different to Junhoe, but Junhoe thinks he has a better sense of color coordination than he does, go figure.

Junhoe roamed any hospital he could find, every coma ward there was. Sent the sketch around the country. Not a single match. His regional accent is just like Junhoe so he discounted the possibility of searching in different countries. But then again if Mr. Sunshine was a figment of Junhoe’s imagination it’d stand to reason they’d have the same accent wouldn’t it?

He learned a lot during those investigative months, a lot about himself and Mr. Sunshine was always there... cheering him on. Always there. Even in his dreams...

Not a coma patient then.

After that Junhoe’s mind really started reaching and his imagination ran wild. Like maybe Mr. Sunshine died and his spirit latched on to him... Maybe it’s one of his ancestor come to guide him. Maybe he was an angel... Though Junhoe doubted that... He could be a cheeky little bastard sometimes.

Again he gave up or maybe just paused the search.

Mr. Sunshine wasn’t a disruption to his life. He added colour and joy to it. If he hadn’t been a ghost, a spirit, invisible to anyone else or a figment of his imagination Junhoe will have a serious trouble not to fall in love with him, he’s his best friend after all...

The band that night was great and Junhoe had a good time. Mr. Sunshine likes to dance and he’s really good too. He even taught Junhoe ball dancing when he was eighteen. Junhoe can twirl around the floor like the best of them now.

This is his life really.

Mr. Sunshine and Junhoe... as thick as thieves... always together...

That is how his life is like until one day his alarm clock wakes him up.

Which is unusual... not unheard of just unusual.

There is no one next to him on the bed when he opens his eyes.

He’s alone in the room.

Again not unheard of just unusual...

He goes through his day just like it’s any other day.

Discuss his plans with his Aunt in the kitchen, another date tonight.

She really like this guy so much.

Junhoe catch his bus and read his book.

Probably a first because he’d always used it as a prop.

He’s not sitting in front of Junhoe as usual... it’s been a few hours now since he woke up and he’s nowhere to be found.

Okay that is kind of unusual and quiet.

Junhoe actually doze off in class today and get an embarrassing reprimand. He feels unsettled...

Where’s Mr. Sunshine? He’s always around... 

I mean Always.

Junhoe doesn’t see him for the rest of the day; he doesn’t hear his voice or his humming or his laugh.

He has trouble falling asleep that night. He normally sings Junhoe to sleep.

The next day Junhoe wake up and again he’s alone. Just as the next and the next... and the next...

“Hey Junhoe.” Jinhwan’s voice brings him out of his daze. He sits across of him at his table lunch in hand. “Are you alright? You look like you’ve just lost your best friend or something.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Junhoe mumble and they eat their lunch in silence.

He lowers his voice concerned. “You don’t look fine Junhoe. I know we’re not best of friends or anything. But you can always talk to me you know.”

Junhoe just nod and resume picking at his lunch until it’s time for his next class

Jinhwan is right, Junhoe is not fine.

He’s in mourning.

Junhoe miss him. Junhoe miss him something awful.

It’s been weeks. He feels like he lost a part of himself.

If he’s a figment of Junhoe’s imagination he inherently is a part of him, so Junhoe can’t lose him right? Junhoe couldn’t have lost him, because he’s part of him.

How can he tell Jinhwan that he’s grieving the sudden loss of his imaginary friend?

That cuts him as deep as if he was a living breathing person. He can’t. He’d think Junhoe is crazy...

Junhoe still miss him though.

Junhoe miss him so much.


	3. Jiwon

 

**_Seoul’s Psychiatric Hospital_ **

“I understand you haven’t seen the boy in some time now?”

“Yes Doctor.”

“Seems the new medication is working.”

“Yes Doctor.”

“If this change keeps up you might be able to go home soon.”

...

“Wouldn’t you like to go home soon?”

“I suppose so.”

“Yes well. You can go now Jiwon it’s almost lunchtime and try and eat will you? Even if just a little.”

“Yes Dr. Sebastian.” Jiwon lifted himself from the chair and made his way to door.

“Oh.. One more thing Jiwon.”

Jiwon’s hand rested on the doorknob.

“Do you miss it? I understand you’ve had this psychosis for a long time. It will be an adjustment to normal life.”

Jiwon didn’t answer. He just turned the doorknob and left the stuffy office.

* * *

 

Tonight, Junhoe’s Aunty’s date comes home for dinner.

Dinner at home to meet the family.

Junhoe is the family. He’s coming to meet Junhoe.

The doorbell rings and Junhoe go to answer it. Best to get this over with, summon his ‘You want to date my aunty do you?’ - ‘Where are your credentials hmm? Do you have a job? Does it pay well?' act.

He can't say he don't get a kick out of that.

The guy at the door shakes Junhoe’s hand firmly and searches for his Aunty instantly. Yeah she’ll be all right...

“So you like older woman huh?” Junhoe ask during dinner.

Best he gets a taste of her cooking now before he starts to thinks she can actually cook.

Donghyuk chuckled “Yeah, I work at a psychiatric hospital not too far from here.”

“There’s a loony bin near here?” his Aunty asks.

“Aunty!” Junhoe snap.

She knows Junhoe hates that description, he spends a few months in one shortly after Mr. Sunshine first appeared. Their pills never did anything but he suffered from their side effects all the same.

Mr. Sunshine never left, he actually helped Junhoe cope being in that god-awful place. He was kind and compassionate, talked to him like he was a human being. So after a while Junhoe persuaded everyone that he was fine. Mr. Sunshine had disappeared. He could go home and he never made a ruckus about it again.

There was only his Aunty left anyway. She cares for Junhoe but never asked about it although kept an eye out for abnormalities, hence the props.

“It’s a nice facility really. Once the patients get their right medication their easy to handle.”

... easy to handle... patients...

Junhoe bet this is normal talk. But it’s kind of unsettling to him.

“It’s the families I feel sorry for.” He says finishing his salad. “Most of them stop visiting after a while. Too distressed they can’t really help them.”

“Isn’t that lonely for the... patients?” his Aunt asks frowning, she was there for Junhoe every weekend, she visited Junhoe every chance she got allowed by the doctors.

“Yes. There is this one guy who hasn’t had a visitor in over three years poor kid. But his medication is finally working, so that’s a plus.”

“So he’s getting better now? His Aunt asks interested.

“He stopped hallucinating but he seems lost now. It happens sometimes patients live with a condition for so long they don’t know what to do once things get better.”

“Sometimes what you know isn’t as scary as the unknown huh?” Junhoe muse picking at his own salad. He’s not a salad kind of guy.

“What else can you tell us?” his Aunt asks.

“I’m not actually allowed to discuss this...”

“Then why are you?” Junhoe murmured to himself

Donghyuk hesitates but he's enjoying Junhoe’s Aunty interest too.

“He called him ‘Princess’. It's the same delusion he suffered since he was 18. No medication ever seemed to help. His family admitted him shortly after.”

Junhoe’s hands start to tremble and he hide them in his lap.

“That must be horrible.” His Aunty frowns.

“They’d sent him back every time he went home, claimed he was still broken and we needed to fix him.”

At first Junhoe had volunteered to go. He can’t imagine being forced to. Let alone being sent back again and again.

“They used those words?” Junhoe clears his throat to not croak out the words.

“Yes I read the file. He’s a good kid actually it just a shame he...”

... grew up in a psychiatric hospital...

“You said he stopped hallucinating, when did it stop?” Junhoe ask by this time having competently forgotten his food.

“About a month ago now?”

* * *

 

**_Seoul’s Psychiatric Hospital_ **

“Good morning Jiwon.”

“Morning Donghyuk.” Jiwon doesn’t look up from his sketchpad; Donghyuk doesn’t take it to heart. He work there for a long time now.

“What you got there? A letter?” Donghyuk picks up the discarded piece of paper beside Jiwon before sitting next to him on the bench.

“Yeah from my parents.”

“They excited you going home?” Donghyuk smiles but Jiwon doesn’t.

“Honestly?” The sketching stops.

“Of course.”

He plays with the pencil while answering. “They don’t want me back.”

“What? You’re doing so well! Dr. Sebastian is giving you a glowing report.”

“But I’m still gay.” Jiwon replies and resumes his work.

They send him back every single time; he still liked boys... which meant he’s still delusional. They were fundamentalists... fundamentality against delusions.

Donghyuk sits by him for a while. Keeping an eye on other patients strolling through the green.

“Jiwon can I ask you something personal, something I shouldn’t really be asking you?”

Then why are you?

“Who’s gonna stop you?” Jiwon smiles a rare smile.

“Your Princess, was he awful to you?”

“What? No!” Jiwon exclaims looking mollified. “He was great! My be - best friend... He taught me how to play the piano you know.”

“You play piano?”

“Yes they used to have one in the recreation room remember? Until Hyun-suk smashed it up last year.” Hyun-suk likes to smash stuff, especially when he pretends to take his med while flushing them down the toilet.

“So where you gonna go when they release you?”

Dr. Sebastian has been talking about release for some time now.

Jiwon wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

Not anymore.

“I don’t know. Maybe they won’t release me.”

“Why wouldn’t they release you? I mean you’re a model patient.”

“As sad as it sounds this place is the only home I’ve had for a long time.” Jiwon sighed as he stopped sketching and closing his pad.

“This isn’t a home Jiwon, this is a hospital.”

“Yeah well...” Jiwon sighs staring off into the distance.

“I do have good news for you.”

“It’s pudding instead of that god-awful Jell-O today?” He ventures hopefully.

“Who doesn’t like Jell-O?”

“I do, Princess used to say ...”

“What?”

“Never mind. It doesn’t matter anyway. What’s this good news?”

Donghyuk doesn't need to know about Princess's Ode Against Jell-O.

“New volunteers starting in a few weeks."

Jiwon rolled his eyes. “What’s so good about that?”

“We’ve assigned one to you especially.”

“I don’t want to hang out with some who thinks I’m a nutcase.” he grunts

“He doesn’t think you’re a nutcase.”

Jiwon sighs dramatically but he's smiling none the less. “Donghyuk they all think I’m a nutcase. I live at a psychiatric hospital I’m surrounded by crazies 24/7.”

Donghyuk leaves Jiwon to his mussing and his sketches to help other patients around the garden. Jiwon picks up his pencil and ... stares at his wrists...

He stares for a very long time... there’s no home to go to... he’s been cast aside and forgotten... and this time there is no soothing voice in his ear to tell him everything will be alright....

* * *

 

It isn’t going to be him. This guy isn’t going to be Mr. Sunshine ...

Mr. Sunshine doesn’t really exist right?... He was just a figment of Junhoe’s imagination... always was. But why do Junhoe miss him so much? Junhoe haven’t seen him in two months now and the hurt isn’t going away.

It isn’t even lessening. Not by a long shot.

So if there's even the slightest chance, the smallest ray of hope.

Junhoe have to take it.

Junhoe have to.


	4. Look at me

**_Seoul’s Psychiatric Hospital_ **

The dreams have stopped.

Jiwon lay awake in his white bed surrounded by his white walls.

Sketches covering every inch of them. He’d been encouraged to draw his dreams from early on, since then it became a habit.

He lay there looking at his sketching feeling... a void where Princess should be.

The sketches mostly showed two guys doing everyday things together.

Two young men riding the bus.

Two young men attending class in a large auditorium, one is almost falling asleep.

Two young men eating breakfast, lunch and dinner at several locations throughout the day.

Two young men hiking through the forest on sunny day.

Two young men learning to waltz on garden patio one setting on the others toes.

Two young men running around on a beach having fun...

One was Jiwon and the other is his Princess.

Jiwon studied the sketches noticing maybe for the first time, his Princess always read a book on the bus. That he reminded himself never ate all of his food when they had lunch or dinner together... Or the look of joy on Princess’s face when he looked at Jiwon...

He wished he’d used colored pencils for Princess’s portraits now... Black and white sketches don’t reflect the warmness of his caramel brown eyes. Or how the sun highlighted his soft black hair... or the warm glow of his sun kissed skin.

Princess was no more.

Now all Jiwon had were monochrome sketches in remembrance...

Even the dreams had stopped... now there was only silence and empty sleep...

Jiwon thought about his parents rejection letter, the loss of Princess and being released to into a world that didn’t really want him...

Before he was even fully aware of it thick tears seeped into the cloth of his white pillow and although his bed was white and his room was white and even his sleeping kit was white.

All Jiwon could see was a deep black hole and the darkness creeping up on him.

Laying there in his desolate room on this white bed Jiwon felt utterly... utterly... alone.

A deep dark thought took ahold of him...

Jiwon bolted from his bed desperately seeking that thing his former roommate had stashed away... there was a way out... there always was that one last resort...

* * *

 

Junhoe signed in and he’d gone through his orientation already last week.

He’s now prepared... as much as he can be.

He’s nervously waiting to step out into the garden. Donghyuk gave him a name after he convinced him to assign Junhoe to ‘the lonely boy’.

Junhoe have a name but no picture.

So if it is Mr. Sunshine, he’ll know just by looking at him. ...

How will he react?

How will Mr. Sunshine react?

Does Junhoe is his Princess?

And if he was... What will happen next?

Donghyuk meet Junhoe and introduce them.

He said Jiwon is always in the garden.

Apparently he’s quite the gardener, studied all the plants...

It’s a large place with a nice design and the sun is out.

That’s good he likes it when the sun is out.

Well Mr. Sunshine always did.

Junhoe scan the greenery; there are several ‘patients’ outside.

Some just walking around, others planting flowers one even sitting on a bench sketching...

One sitting on a bench sketching....

Ohmygod. Ohmygod… ohmygod...

Junhoe can’t hyperventilate here... they’ll immediately admit him!

The soft Purple-lish with blue highlight hair, he never could quite pinpoint it.

Junhoe should wait for Donghyuk.

But he can’t help but to move forward.

He walks over to the bench slowly.

He heard the grass shift under his shoes. He subconsciously straightens his clothes; it's an outfit that Mr. Sunshine picked out for Junhoe once, for a date. He cried on his shoulder afterwards when the guy turned out to be a douche.

Junhoe is a few feet away from him and he can’t go any further.

There is no doubting in it.

It’s him; Junhoe have seen him from the back many times. Dancing around in his room, humming those classics he loves so much. It’s really him. How on earth could it be him?

Yes, don’t worry.

Junhoe have a million and one questions bussing around in his mind.

There is one thought that’s louder than any other: ‘Look at me.’


	5. You’re real?

Junhoe felt Donghyuk’s hand tapping his shoulder.

“You made it!”

Junhoe just nod, his eyes never leaving the boy on the bench.

“Jiwon!” Donghyuk calls out to which the boy turns and Junhoe feels himself tearing up.

He missed those eyes so much.

“You’re back?” Jiwon’s voice is very far away, he shakes himself and shifts his gaze to Donghyuk clearing his throat.

“You’re back Donghyuk?” He’s pretending Junhoe is not here.

“Yeah and you’ve got a visitor today!”

“A visitor?” Jiwon tries not to look at Junhoe but he can’t help it. Damn, he's really beautiful.

Junhoe attempted to speak but he can’t seem to.

“I don’t get visitors.”

Donghyuk’s arm nudges Junhoe out of his trance. “Remember the volunteer I told you about?”

Again Jiwons eyes widen, his mouth drops open.

Junhoe clears his throat to demonstrate his realness. That this time he’s not just in Jiwon’s mind.

“Hi Jiwon. It’s nice to see you again.”

Jiwon held his breath and said “Prin - “

“Junhoe” Junhoe cut in quickly. “Koo Junhoe, remember?”

“You two knew each other? Why didn’t you just tell me?” Donghyuk deflates.

“We met a long time ago and kind of lost in touch. I wasn’t sure this was the right Jiwon, I never knew his surname.”

“Is this true Jiwon?” Donghyuk asked him

“I - I er...”

“I used to call him Mr. Sunshine” Junhoe replied

Jiwon gasps at Junhoe’s admission. “It is you!”

Junhoe walks up to him, Donghyuk just shrugs and stroll off somewhere, smiling.

Sliding beside him on the bench Junhoe take ahold of his hand where the sight of wrist bandages squeezes his heart.

“You’re real?” Jiwon’s voice breaks.

Junhoe remember touching Mr. Sunshine, he always felt real to him but his skin never felt as warm as Jiwon does now.

“I am.” Junhoe keeps ahold of his hand and try to speak.

But all he can think so say is... “I missed you so much, I missed you so damn much”

“I don’t understand Prin- Junhoe.”

“Neither do I and trust me I’ve tried...” Junhoe look around he doesn’t really want any eavesdroppers on this particular conversation. “Come on, I got to take you out of here for a few hours. Let’s go somewhere we can talk.”

They sign out and Junhoe take him to a park nearby.

It’s a very large park with several private spots away from prying eyes and listening ears. Junhoe wants to be alone with Mr. Sunshine and for the first time alone with Jiwon.

“Are you... My Princess?”

“I’m Junhoe, but I think a part of me was your Princess.” Junhoe giggled “My Mr. Sunshine used to call me that all the time.”

“Mr. Sunshine...”

Junhoe nods “Yeah.”

Jiwon sits beside him and looks at Junhoe for a very lengthy period of time.

I mean really looks at Junhoe, he reaches deep down trying to pull at some thread of logic out of their jumbled reality.

“How did you...?” Jiwon said as he points his hand towards the general direction of Seoul’s Psychiatric Hospital

“I - I... lied. Lied, lied and lied until they believed me. I didn’t talk to you for two months, you sulked the entire time.” Junhoe laughed.

“That never worked for me.”

“I was the lucky one, I had Aunty to look out for me.”

“They think I’m still sick...” Jiwon said as he lowers his eyes to his fingers.

Junhoe doesn’t like that, he hasn’t seen those eyes for fare too long. Don’t begrudge him any of the seconds he has now.

“The doctors?”

“No, not the doctors. I’m actually due to be released soon. They're almost pushing me out the door. I’ve done all I can to prevent it.” He quickly covered his wrist bandages with the sleeve of his wooly pullover.

“Why would you want to stay?”

“Pri- Junhoe you have an Aunty. I don’t, my parents they... they don’t really want me back.”

“Why?”

“If you are My Princess, surely you know.”

“I guess I do... Jiwon?”

“I kind of like it when you say my name, my real name. My Princess would never say it.”

“Neither did Mr. Sunshine.. Can I ask you something?”

“I thought that’s what we're here for?” Jiwon cracks Junhoe a sly smile. That’s his Mr. Sunshine..

“Was I good to you?”

Jiwon grabs Junhoe’s hand, gripping it very tightly... pleadingly. “The best. You were the best. I could never understand why it was so wrong that I saw you. All I ever heard was that normal people doesn’t have imaginary people talking to them all day every day. The doctors would always imply you were making me do bad things or that one day you’d turn on me... I didn’t know playing music was a bad thing.”

“You play?”

“You taught me.” Jiwon smiled and it was beautiful. “Was I good to you?”

“You were my life Jiwon. You were there through everything. You even made me get out of bed each morning, you’d sing a ‘wake up Princess’- song in my ear and jump on my bed.”

Jiwon laughs loudly that caused Junhoe to smile, god Junhoe missed that laugh.

“That fits I guess.”

“What do you mean?”

“I had to drag My Princess out of bed every morning. It never made sense to me that if you were imaginary I had so sing you awake.... It... almost broke me when one day you were not there for me when I woke up.”

“Me too. I’ve never felt so miserable in my life.”

Junhoe often wondered what would have happened if they’d kept him in the hospital at 17.

Junhoe often wondered if his life would have been very different. If he’d been able to go to school, have friends, lovers...

But he doesn’t have to wonder anymore and he thank his Aunt for saving him from that place every day and keeping him safe since...

Jiwon and Mr. Sunshine are the same.

They are exactly the same, expect Jiwon has an actual name and a real history.

Jiwon practically leaps into Junhoe’s lap clinging to his neck, Junhoe thinks Jiwon read his mind because Junhoe wanted to hold him from the first second he saw Jiwon.

Junhoe placed his hands on Jiwon's waist, slowly caressing it.

They stay like this for a long while. A very long while.

Jiwon is skinnier than he remembers. Much, much skinnier.

“Please don’t leave again. Please.” He breathes in Junhoe’s ear.

“I’m not planning to.” Junhoe said as they pull apart. “But...Jiwon...” he grasps a wrist in his hand and turn his palm side up. “You have to promise me the same thing. I can’t lose you again, not now...”

“That was a very bad day. I just felt so lost and alone and... forsaken... I regretted it the second I slit them. Yelled for help.” Mr. Sunshine said urging Junhoe to believe him. “I’ll never do that again I promise. I can’t believe I actually did it in the first place. In all the years living at Seoul’s it never even crossed my mind.”

“It did mine.” Junhoe confessed.

“What?”

“After you disappeared it did cross my mind. I was having a really hard time coping without you around. I didn’t have the nerve to do it but I’ll admit it did cross my mind...”

They sat there for untold minutes looking dawn at the entangled hands. Until Jiwon straightened up and cleared his throat.

“Okay enough with the gloomy talk for now.” He said brightly patting Junhoe’s hand, “Lets walk around before we to return. It’s such a nice day today. I’m starving, by the way are we getting something to eat while we’re out?”

The patting of the hand, the words, the smile.... Things Junhoe have experienced so many times before.

Yes. They should talk about why this happened, how it happened... But not today... Today, Junhoe get to run around with Jiwon and talk to him and touch him in public without worrying about anyone seeing.

It was a nice day, indeed.


	6. Together

 

**_Seoul’s Psychiatric Hospital_ **

“Who is that?” Dr. Sebastian asks a stray passing nurse. He’d been en-route to his office when the sound of laughter sidetracked him.

“That’s Junhoe, he started volunteering here a few weeks ago.” The nurse explained halting her work next to the doctor.

They watched the two men dig around in the vegetable patch in the garden.

“He spends all his time with Jiwon?”

“Most of it, they do group activities too. Apparently being around with Junhoe gives Jiwon an appetite. He gained weight and he’s exercising a lot more as well.”

“That's good...”

Actually Jiwon had been doing very well, after the suicide scare Dr. Sebastian hadn’t been too sure about his recovery. But a scare was a just label for what happened.

It had scared Jiwon immensely and Dr. Sebastian was fairly confident that Jiwon wouldn’t try it again. The medication was really working, he just needed to adjust to normal life and this Junhoe was helping him do just that. He was very pleased. “He does look familiar though...”

“Well he has been around for some time now.”

“Yes, that must be it.” But Dr. Sebastian knew that wasn’t it, he just didn’t know right then what it was.

* * *

 

“This one has two bedrooms but the kitchen and bathroom leave a lot to be desired for.” Junhoe’s Aunty sniffed as she walked them through the rental.

“I don’t need a big bathroom but two bedrooms is a lot of space. What would I do with it?” Jiwon frowned, he actually liked this flat the living area was nice and spacious with big windows overlooking the waterfront.

Junhoe’s Aunty spun around. “Wasn’t this for the two of you? Share as flat mates? Or was I correct in secretly thinking you’ll be sharing a bedroom?” she hitched up her eyebrows smiling.

The two men stood there frowning at her.

Of course they’ll be sharing a room. They’ve always shared a room. Princess always slept beside Jiwon and Mr. Sunshine always beside Junhoe.

His Aunty watched their frowns... “Romantically?” she prompted.

Both boys displayed a mask of shock as they looked at each other.

“We’ve never thought about that.” Jiwon whispered.

“No, we haven’t. Have we?” Junhoe shook his head.

“I’ll wait downstairs, just take your time and look around.” Junhoe’s Aunty quickly slipped out of the room. She had a hell of a time hiding her smile.

“Why haven’t we ever thought about that?” Jiwon asked turned to fully face Junhoe.

“I... I don’t know.” Junhoe laughed taking a step forward. “I think I buried that possibility a long time ago, when I thought you were...”

“... in our heads.” Jiwon finished.

It was true enough. Neither of them had ever done anything intimate with their respective delusion. It was hard enough carrying one conversation though, adding the risk of getting caught kissing air alone is harder.

Ever since they found each other in the flesh they touched each other all the time, hugs, hands, shoulder grabs but never... anything further.

The mental blocks they’d erected so long ago still somehow in place.

It just took a simple nudge for them to crumble and crumble.

“Would... you want me?” Jiwon gulped.

Junhoe chuckled “Jiwon...” he said while he gently took ahold of Jiwon’s face.

Gazing into Mr. Sunshine, the Mr. Sunshine that mean the world to him. “I can say with absolute certainty I’ve never wanted anyone more than I do. I think deep down we’ve always been in love with each other.”

Jiwon smiled and leaned forward to kiss Junhoe, slowly. The moment their lips touched everything fell into place. Their souls healed the rupture they’d suffered. Even though they knew from the moment they’d found each other they will never be apart again. This was the truth; they were meant to be together.

Jiwon sank to his knees and cried holding on to Junhoe who wasn't going to let him go for a single second. He wasn’t abandoned but cherished... he wasn’t alone but together. Someone did care enough to love him.

And it had been Junhoe all along.

**_Seoul’s Psychiatric Hospital_ **

Dr. Sebastian had been on call all week. He was tired, so very tired and hungry but he’d take this one last call of the day. He greeted the nurses on staff at the medical hospital he'd been summoned to as per usual and visited called for patient. After the evaluation he was in desperate need for a decent cup of coffee and headed for the nurses’ station. Where they kept the good stuff...you can’t survive a nightshift on crappy coffee.

Though he’d been in this particular station many times before, this was the first time he paused and took a moment to look around.

“Nani?”

“Yes doctor?”

“What’s this?” Dr. Sebastian slowly pointed to an almost hidden sketch beneath several other papers on the cork board.

“What’s what doctor?” Nani asks trying to see what the doctor was reaching for. Pushing the overlying papers out of the way he unpinned the wrinkled sketch. “Oh that, that’s been here for ages. Maybe Hanbin will know, he was here before me.”

Dr. Sebastian stared at the sketch in his hands he didn’t move until nurse Hanbin arrived.

“Oh my! I’d forgotten it was even there at all. Isn’t that funny? Seeing something every day until you don’t even notice it anymore. Like it’s a part of the décor!” Hanbin was a jolly person and much loved by his patients.

“But who is it?” the good doctor asked even though he was well aware who he’d been staring at the last few minutes.

“Oh this lad brought it by a few years ago asking if there was anyone matching the description in the hospital. He hung one in every department. Many took them down shortly, but I quite liked that face. So I took it. It’s always nice to see a handsome young man at work when you’re having a rough day.” he smiled.

“Years ago?”

“Oh Yes.” he nodded.

“Do you remember the boy who brought it in?”

“Oh you’ve got me there ... I really can’t remember his first name.” he bit his lip trying to recall. “...it’s something with Koo?” he exclaimed smiling brightly.

“Excuse me?”

“His last name. I’ll never forget it, he’s a beautiful man. I’ve always had a thing for beautiful people you know.”

Dr. Sebastian was momentarily loss for words...


	7. Let’s go home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank youuuu for reading this one. :>

“I think that’s about the last of it.” Junhoe announced zipping up Jiwon’s large luggage.

“There wasn’t much to begin with. You can’t really keep a lot in a place like this.”

“Well our new home has all the place we need.”

Jiwon glowed. Standing there in his soon to be ex-white room with the now barren walls devoid all sketches, he glowed.

Though they were both glad the day of his release had finally arrived Junhoe took a second to appreciate the moment for Jiwon. He badly wanted to go over there and hold him tight but they’d refrained from showing any affection at Seoul’s. Best not to rock the boat that is so very close to debarkation.

“Is there anything else we need to do?”

“Sebastian has my release forms. So that’s all really.” Jiwon grinned swinging a laden backpack over his shoulder. “Let’s go home.”

* * *

 

“I wish you the best of luck Jiwon.” Dr Sebastian shook Jiwon’s hand after signing the last of the papers in his office.

Junhoe was there holding Jiwon’s packed bags.

“Thank you Doctor. I bet you’re glad to see the last of me.”

“I’m just happy you are doing so well Jiwon. That’s always been our goal.”

Dr. Sebastian smiled handing him all his papers.

Just as the two were about to leave to office with Jiwon’s hand on the doorknob, the doctor ask his final question.

“You’re all signed out and packed up so there is no way for me to keep you here Jiwon. So it’s just out of curiosity... did you take new medication? Or any medication at all?”

Jiwon turned to smile at the man behind the desk.

He didn’t answer.

He just twisted the doorknob and left the stuffy office with Junhoe by his side.

Dr. Sebastian watched them cross the yard from his office window. In his hand he held Jiwon’s file, it contained all of his medical history, his family history and a record of everything he’s been through while at the hospital.

The file used to contain one sketch, now it contained two.

One, a young man once named Princess and the other a hospital mystery boy.

Dr. Sebastian closed the file as he watched the two young men walk hand in hand off the hospital grounds and filled it under 'closed cases'.

* * *

 

“Wake up my Princess... Wakeup wakeup waaakke uuuuuuup, baaaaaaaaaaabe!”

Junhoe pull himself out of a restful sleep and stares right into Jiwon’s happy brown eyes. He grunts.

“Oh come on babe! It’s a freaking beautiful day outside, get up!!!” Jiwon whines in his ear.

Junhoe pull their blanket over his head to drown out the noise. But Jiwon crawls deep under the covers and starts tickling Junhoe.

Junhoe tried his best to resist but end up yelling out in defeat.

“Baby please stop, stop, Oh god Jiwon please stop!”

Jiwon’s hands cease their onslaught but his arms circles Junhoe. They were both smiling from ear to ear. He quickly finds Junhoe’s lips and claims them like he does every morning.

Jiwon loves to kiss him and Junhoe love kissing him so this works out pretty well for them.

“Good morning, my Princess.” Jiwon’s voice is low and thick and raspy...

“Morning baby...” Junhoe snuggle deeper into his embrace. “Why don’t we stay in today? It’s Sunday after all.”

“Inside... all day?” Jiwon pouts.

“Yeah right here, in this bed.”

“In bed?” Jiwon perks up.

“Yup, just you and me and the bed. I’ll even open the window just how you like it.”

So the world can hear... …. …..

Jiwon fakes thinking it over, grinning while doing so. “I think, I can work with that.”

Junhoe chuckled, that’s all he needed to hear.

This is all he wanted.

Jiwon is his reality.

He was so glad that Jiwon didn’t give up on him.

And Jiwon was thankful that Junhoe doesn’t give up on finding and loving him.

“I love every part of you babe, if you allow me to explore it, I’ll do it inside and out”

“it’s yours”

Maybe they were like puzzles, the other one holding the piece while the other one had to find it first.

Scary in the beginning, but when they’re together they feel whole and complete.

Both of their scars are visible and yet the vision of them together still remained beautiful.


End file.
